I was a sexual assault victim, and I've had grown men come at me since I was nine; so I'm wanting to take the narrative about my body back. When I was a kid, boys my age weren't into me, older boys weren't into me, but grown men were. I think it's my energy; it's like it lures them in. I'd just be trying to be friendly, but they'd make it sexual. Plus, I was raised by a man, and I can have a masculine energy, so I don't even try to compete with other women. My dad had a love and a hate for women, and I think I'm healing from that too. He liked women, but he didn't value them. ⠀
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I was raised in a toxic Christian environment — a lot of weight on keeping up appearances. My parents were very strict about what I could and couldn't wear. Just a way of controlling. I guess it's good that 90's clothes came back, because I can wear them and it's like embracing my childhood. ⠀
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I've always been physically sexualized. I've experienced it so much in my life that it makes me uncomfortable just being in my own skin. But, I've had a spiritual awakening. I think anytime you come from a place of abuse and insecurity, lots of things can be triggering and it can feel really back and forth at times. But I embrace my body a lot more than I used to.
