Destiny

I've always been this size - I've basically been 5'9 since I came out of the womb. I was bullied for my body, my height; I've got "hip dips" which aren't, you know, conventionally attractive — so it's just always something I've been self-conscious about. Because of my size I tend to stick out like a sore thumb, especially when I'm hanging out with my friends in the acro community.⠀
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I'm from California — I grew up on a farm outside Modesta. I was in 4-H and FFA as a kid. I moved to Tulsa about ten years ago. I also come from a culture where you marry young, you have kids young, women belong in the kitchen, that sort of thing.; I'm 27, and because of my endometriosis the chances of me having kids are small. I felt like I was going to die alone because I can't offer someone children, I can't offer them a stable family since I came from a broken home. ⠀
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I had to have surgery for endometriosis and I have PCOS, so my hormones are just f***ed. After surgery I gained weight, and I've struggled to lose weight. My grandmother, who raised me, passed away in 2020. She was only 65, and she kind of smoke and drank her life away. I just... ate my feelings. I felt alone. ⠀
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I've also been socially isolated, whether it was being too busy with school to spend time with friends or being in controlling relationships where I wasn't allowed to do things. I was drawn to the false comfort of those relationships — the love bombing, the control that felt like a father, or I would just settle because I would tell myself I did something wrong and it would get better. ⠀
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I actually went to school for psychology; I was super interested in behavioral management and modification. I thought that if I could fix myself, I could be loved.