JusTina

I was born to a mother who had an eating disorder. She would control our food — what we could or couldn't eat, how much, and when. Then, when I was sixteen, I became pregnant. I delivered by seventeen, and my body had changed dramatically.⠀

When I was pregnant, I ate whatever I wanted. But three days after I had my son, my mother had me in a series of corsets until I was six weeks postpartum. At nineteen, I ran away to my child's father, who was really just another version of my mother. And then, I started emotional eating and I gained 85 pounds over six months.⠀

Then, something tragic happened — my father-in-law's suicide. It changed my life overnight — I went vegan, I was in counseling three days a week. After six months, I left the relationship and moved to Tulsa. I was living out of an Astro Van and friends' sofas. I've been a death doula for 15 years, and when I came to Tulsa I became a massage therapist — I had been working in the ALS community, so I was using massage in my practice; I studied Reiki, and opened up a healing arts studio. I've always wanted to help others, and I think it's because I've struggled so much.⠀

I never felt uncomfortable in my skin until someone pointed out something that didn't conform to societal norms, and that made me question everything about who I am. The smaller I was, the more critical people were about by body. Some people have the audacity to tell you to eat a cheeseburger without realizing you're struggling with disordered eating. ⠀

I don't allow others to make me feel uncomfortable in my skin — I'm adaptable, and if I need to make a change for myself, I will. If someone needs to say something negative about me, it's because they haven't taken control of their own situation.⠀

Anytime the childhood version of me comes out, I just sit with her. Sometimes, we cry. I'm not gonna lie, we cry a lot. But it's very healing, because I sit with her and I tell her we're doing good things, and we help people. I sit with her and I give her the love that she never had.