Sasha

When I was growing up, I was sexually assaulted, a lot - by family members. I was hypersexualized. The first time I was raped, I was 6. When I was at TU, two of my friends - or what I thought were my friends - sexually assaulted me at the same time.

I knew it wasn't my fault, but instead of covering my body up, I showed my body more. I thought, these people like my body, but they don't like me. So I told myself that if I could get people to like my body, they would like me. People have told me that they way I presented myself was an invitation for people to do those things to me. 

In 2020 I worked at a bank, and at first I would dress to show off my curves. People at work would slap my ass, customers would come in and ask me on dates. The first time someone come in - I'll call him Mr. A - he was really nice. But over time he started buying me gifts, and when I told him I couldn't accept them, he said, "Well then why are you dressed like that?" 

So, I started dressing a lot more professionally, like to the nines - but when I took my clothes off, I didn't like it. For me, the change was my way of trying to take control back. I thought if I changed the way I look, people would treat me better. 

I'm also an athlete, from tennis to CrossFit, and in the gym I don't care how I look at all. I love how I feel, I love how strong I am. All my empowerment comes from what I can do. But after I walk out of those gym doors, I have a hard time seeing my body in a positive way.